Christmas Eve in the Godsell house. I sit and wonder how it happened. Where has the last year gone? I am thinking a lot about Christmas last year and how much things have changed. My brother and Claire were somewhere hundreds of miles away, Burma I think? I was heavily pregnant with Ruby, suffering Gestational Diabetes and unable to eat much other than carrots and sprouts for Christmas dinner. Ruby was busy preparing herself for her arrival in three weeks time and Nick and I were both nervous and very excited. It was hard to focus on Christmas at the time, my thoughts all revolved around Ruby and being ready for her. It seemed to pass in a bit of a haze for me, just something that happened three weeks before my due date really.

It will be very different this year. Last year it was very quiet, just Nick, Mum, a fidgety bump and I. This year we will be entertaining family and friends at various times throughout the day, there will be six for dinner and of course, there will be Ruby trotting about the place grinning from ear to ear, showing everyone her teeth, sharing kisses and exclaiming 'duck!' wherever she can.

I have found it difficult to feel the tingle of excitement this year, but I put that down to age. We are off to the church for the crib service this afternoon and meeting some good friends for lunch beforehand and I am sure that I will feel the flicker of butterflies then. Once the cooking starts later and Ruby, Nick and I put out something for Father Christmas and the reindeer before cosying up to sleep, then I am sure it will all kick in and the emotion of it all will take over. Nick will no doubt be in for some Mummy tears today!

Part of the problem seems to be that I am very focussed on making everything right this year. It is Ruby's first Christmas and I want everything to be wonderful for her. I have an idea in my head that I want our family traditions to be cased in stone from this year on. Nick keeps reassuring me that it is allowed to be different every year, but my brain does not seem able to accept that. Christmas when Dan and I were children always featured the same things, in the same order and it went a long way to making the day seem special to us. I want the same for Ruby. I want to have every detail planned and I want to make sure that the same thing happens next year, therefore what we do this year has to be right. I am sure that it will all change in the morning. With an eleven month old baby, you can not really make plans can you! So I am sure our family traditions will emerge and create themselves and will be all the better for it.

Whatever happens, I have a lovely husband and a beautiful daughter and they are all I need to make Christmas special this year. We are a family and whilst we are very happy that we will be sharing our day with others, the three of us are together and that is all that matters.