Sad day in the world of cricket
Well, it is a sad day. The lovely Nasser Hussain is retiring from cricket :'( He has been a hero both for Essex and England in his time and things wont be the same without him. Sorry to see you go Nass :'(
A day of mixed news at work as I discover that I fit into a t-shirt aged 7-8 for tomorrow's non-uniform day, and am told yet more people are in to observe us after half term. We are tired and could do with a break :(
Oh, and I need some jokes for use in the school play...if anyone knows a CLEAN joke about a rat, or pig, or spider can you let me know? Thanks :)
Comments
What do you get if you cross a pig and a box of itching powder?
Pork Scratching.
I should have been a CITV presenter, the quality of this joke is in it's simplicity, or is it that you have to be simple to appreciate it's quality? Want any more?
Posted by: Brad | May 28, 2004 5:16 PM
Oh dear, very good - that's the kind of thing I am after :) Thanks Brad.
Anyone do any better?
Posted by: kary | May 28, 2004 5:19 PM
Sorry Brad, had to delete the second one - I did say clean remember! Small people read this too :)
Posted by: kary | May 28, 2004 7:20 PM
How do you spot a modern spider?
He doesnt have a web he has a website.
What do you get if you cross a spider and an elephant?
I'm not sure, but if you see one walking across the ceiling then run before it collapses!!!
bad i know
Posted by: Dan | May 28, 2004 8:10 PM
hehe cheers Dan D - any more from anyone? I need a rat a pig and a spider! one of each...and CLEAN!!
Posted by: kary | May 28, 2004 11:45 PM
Sorry! Maybe CITV is not for me. Can't think of one single Rat joke but can do plenty of mouse ones?
Posted by: Brad | May 29, 2004 1:20 AM
Thank you - mouse ones will do. Although I can't believe this is the best we can do you lot!
Posted by: kary | May 29, 2004 3:35 PM
My lame effort�
What do you call a communist mouse?
Mouse Tse-Tung
Will the kids know who Moa was; it's on the curriculum right? ;)
Posted by: Ryan | May 29, 2004 4:59 PM
Hrm - A little too high brow for the target audience I feel Ryan, although a good try. I think Brad is winning with the pork scratchings one so far...surely we can come up with something better?
Posted by: kary | May 29, 2004 6:18 PM
Er...
Q. Why did the pigs cross the road with their laundry?
A. They wanted to do their hogwash.
Q. Why did the spider buy a car?
A. So he could take it out for a spin!
Q. What do you call a big Irish spider?
A. Paddy long legs!
Q. What happened when the chef found a daddy long legs in the salad?
A. It became a daddy short legs!
Q. What happened when the man stole a pig?
A. The pig squealed to the police.
Q. What does the little pig get every morning from his parents?
A. Hogs and kisses!
Q. Why did the pig run away from the pig sty?
A. He felt that the other pigs were taking him for grunted.
Q. What do you call a pig with no legs?
A. A groundhog!
Q. Why didn't the piglets listen to the teacher pig?
A. Because he was an old boar.
... That's all I could find (and I'm not sure they're all entirely appropriate...)
Posted by: Long-Haired Poet | May 29, 2004 7:46 PM
Thanks Nik - I should have known I could rely on a creative author to find me some ;) - still none about rats though? hrm
Posted by: kary | May 29, 2004 7:50 PM
Er...
Q. What is a rat's favorite record?
A. 'Please cheese me'!
Q. What goes eek, eek, bang?
A. A rat in a minefield!
Q. Which rat was a Roman emperor?
A. Julius Cheeser
Q. What do angry rats send each other at Christmas time?
A. Cross mouse cards!
Hickory hickory dock,
Three rats ran up the clock,
The clock struck one,
But the other two got away with minor injuries...
Q. What do you call a rat that can pick up an elephant?
A. Sir!
Q. What do rats do when they're at home?
A. Mousework!
Q. When should a rat carry an umbrella?
A. When it's raining cats and dogs!
Q. What kind of musical instrument do rats play?
A. A mouse organ!
Q. Why do rats have long tails?
A. Well, they'd look silly with long hair!
Q. How do you save a drowning rat?
A. Use mouse to mouse resuscitation!
Q. Why do rats need oiling ?
A. Because they squeak !
Q. What do rats say when they play bingo?
A. 'Eyes down for a full mouse'!
Three rats are arguing about which of them is the toughest.
The first rat turns to the second rat and says, "When I see a rat-trap, I lie on my back and set it off with my foot. When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth, bench press it twenty times to work up an appetite, and then make off with the cheese."
The second rat turns to the first rat, and replies, "Yeah, well when I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can, take it home, grind it up to a powder, and add it to my coffee each morning."
The first rat and the second rat then turn to the third rat.
The third rat lets out a long sigh and says to the first two, "I don't have time for this. I've got a date with the cat."
... Any good?
Posted by: Long-Haired Poet | May 30, 2004 8:48 AM
Getting better :)
Posted by: kary | May 30, 2004 1:25 PM